The content of these pages may contain "triggering" material.
The content of these pages may contain "triggering" material.
Confetti
zarina's tall and gorgeous,
mark's smart and cute,
i am fat and ugly,
and my mom says i'm crude,
sara's perfect too;
she gets all the guys,
but there's nothing good about me,
and i'm not telling lies,
emily is really nice,
she loves to be supportive,
i guess that really helps
when i know i don"t deserve to live,
they sometimes say i'm pretty,
or that i have nice eyes,
but i know theyre just being nice
cuz its all LIES LIES LIES
why is it that everyone
is perfect except me?
i just want to fit in
or be whatever i can be
maybe this razor
will help me deal with the pain
but i won't tell anyone,
they'll think im totally insane,
and with a slash to my wrist,
i feel better already,
i love to see the blood,
its like a bunch of confetti
now i can focus on something
besides the emotional pain,
i focus on the physical,
which isn't quite as lame,
but after a few minutes,
i feel bad again,
i think about all my friends,
and how i'll never fit in
i stare at myself in the mirror,
and wish it would all end,
i look back at the razor,
and take it in my hand
i hold it to my wrist
while shaking violently
scared to take my life,
scared of what will be,
i think for a minute,
and decide to just do it,
i hold the razor to my vein,
and slash myself again,
i suddenly collapse,
everything goes black,
i totally regret it,
but i've screwed it up, again...
then there's this one thats even worse...
Cutting
the only fun thing in life is cutting
but cutting is not accepted by society as "normal"
everyone hides who they truly are
they hide under tube tops and butterfly clips
pretending to be happy
pretending to be carefree
The people that express themselves are rejected
The people who hide themselves are accepted
So why do we hide ourselves and wear butterfly clips?
to be accepted by society
the same society that claims it is okay to kill a defenseless baby if it
hasn't been born yet
the same society that locks up people who are "insane"
How do we know we're not the ones that are insane?
Because society says we aren't
Society is always right
and we are always wrong.
~ Aileen
I welcome the contributions of others who self-harm or have done so in the past. Send us your writing, or arrange to send us your art or music by e-mailing RAZOR at zanne@cea.edu
|
Check out SCAR, a zine
on the subject of scars and self-harm. The content of these pages may contain "triggering" material. |
|
to CUTTERS, a page on the
subject of people who self-harm. The content of these pages may contain "triggering" material. |
|
to The History of Child Abuse |
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Contents Under
Pressure Razor's writing about experiences she had during a 13 year
bout with DSH and five times she was institutionalized. |
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to Leap Frogge Leap was locked up in mental institutions when she was a kid. Leap refers to them as "the Institutes." |