The content of these pages may contain "triggering" material.
The content of these pages may contain "triggering" material.
Untitled
I sit crying
Looking through the dirty window to the snow on the ground.
I won't admit anything...even though she now knows everything.
Suddenly I think, NO more lying...
I scream out my confession...she already knows
My icicle tears fall to my hands
She's known what I do to myself for years now..and hasn't said a word
She begs to see my scars...and I cry and beg for her not to want to
I am more than ashamed
The shimmer in my tears is the only thing I have left
And now what happens?
When the stars won't come outside
When the moon is hidden behind your father screaming at you for what you've
done
Saying that you should "stop the bullshit attention getter and get your life
back together"
Another remark from your dad's once loving lips
"Isn't that cute? carving your boyfriends name into your arm"
The tears flow now as fast as my blood does
And I'll just go sit and cry in the rain
And wait for you to care for me...instead of hitting me
And screaming
Instead of having me listen to you beat my brother
And I'll ignore my own cries
and watch myself die
I hold back my silver tears
From my silver friend
I've now revealed it all and I have nothing more to hide
I now have entered the stars
They invite me to join the mascarade
They have to celebrate me
That I told the purple truth
So sick of lying I'll stare and maybe smile
Into my rose colored night
I've survived my life
I've survived my love
But I haven't recovered from the silver friend
Becuase i'm drowning in my old silver tears
~Erika
January 29th, 2000
To miss you even though I never had you.
I'll serve you to cut my arm
And watch the blood escape from my veins
Hoping that it won't stop.
It stops.
I loved...And now I see hate...I am my own pain
She can laugh at me like she does
Make fun of me (as usual)
So now where is my porpose?
You seem to have burned it with my scars
And hid the ashes so that I can't go back
To my addiction
I hate deja vu
Because it always comes back to me...
To a time when skin was so thin
To slit it would be so easy
Like the stars.
I learned to love blood as my friend and my veins as my family. I have no
more friends...i have bled all of my blood. And killed myself too many times
Cried too many tears Cut too much and given up on tears
Life I'm ending up living...slowly
Will I perish now?
~ Erika
January 17, 2000
3:16 a.m.
I welcome the contributions of others who self-harm or have done so in the past. Send us your writing, or arrange to send us your art or music by e-mailing RAZOR at zanne@cea.edu
|
Check out SCAR, a zine
on the subject of scars and self-harm. The content of these pages may contain "triggering" material. |
|
to CUTTERS, a page on the
subject of people who self-harm. The content of these pages may contain "triggering" material. |
|
to The History of Child Abuse |
|
Contents Under Pressure
Razor's writing about experiences she had during a 13 year bout with DSH
and five times she was institutionalized. |
|
to Leap Frogge Leap was locked up in mental institutions when she was a kid. Leap refers to them as "the Institutes." |