The content of these pages may contain "triggering" material.
The content of these pages may contain "triggering" material.
scratches and poetry
scratches and poetry
they give themselves
scratches and poetry
scratches to release
their minds
ease themselves out of
the weariness they find
etch into their skin
little maps
swollen welts
surface cuts
are just enough
trickling faintly
slowly out
transversing
their anxiety
flinching
in the release
their fingers
stained with ink
their lips smeared
from chewing pens
their lips
trembling
from the words
they are drinking in
pages and pages
crammed full
with poems
they are afraid
to show
afraid they will scream
afraid they will crumble
afraid they will be left
without reasons
fearing reaction
fearing they'll get none
afraid of satisfaction
and coming undone
scratches and poetry
they give themselves
scratches and poetry
to fill a void of
touch and colors
scratches so
they can feel
poetry so they
can be made real
wary of time
spent to explain
tired of smiling
tired of pain
in the quiet of scratches
they could understand
in the loudness of poetry
they grasped for a hand
silently drowning
screaming for land
sometimes they
get so overcome
wanting so badly they
sigh for a way
and so give themselves
scratches and poetry
*
imaginary pain
i once called it
has been made to be
all too real
no one notices
or they avert their eyes
and i hastily cover
the slashed arm
with my fallen sleeve
i wonder why
they don't care to see?
and at the same time
that i drip tears,
i eye a knife
and picture,
or look at the
slice of lemon by my tea
and wonder what
it would feel like
on fading etches.
craving something
so much that
i know i have to stop,
i tremble
feeling so alone
in a world of millions
whose arms are bleeding.
mine just don't
bleed enough
*
joyful girl zero
etches pathways
wants nothing but to live
nothing but to feel
nothing but to see the red
be at last the beauty blood
cry from out of jailed tears
joyful girl zero
knows she's loved
knows she has a lot to live for
knows she has a lot going
knows she has no real problems
thinks she has no real issues
just a middle class
suburban teenager
pre-obsessed with ink lines
fading into scratches
which slowly
drips
into
cuts
she wants everyone to see
she wants no one to know
the satisfaction she feels
the shame in which she glows is
too unbearable
she wants to see
the skin rip apart
curiosity and the lack of fear
intertwined with terror
she wanted to be twisted
to destroy some projected image
to prove that she could feel
now she feels too much
with nothing to blame
she has everything to cry for
with too many reasons to go on
she has nothing to die for
feeling only desperate
caged in and afraid
wanting to stop wanting to be sane
having no desire to quit
searching everywhere so that she
could somehow read herself
in someone else's books
reassured, only to go back
to the fact that she's so joyful
and this girl is simply zero
numb, pathetic,
and all too afraid of pain
to stop the crisscrosses
that run a track of horror
in deliberate red streaks
across her skin
- The Phoenix Princessa
I welcome the contributions of others who self-harm or have done so in the past. Send us your writing, or arrange to send us your art or music by e-mailing RAZOR at zanne@cea.edu
|
Check out SCAR, a zine
on the subject of scars and self-harm. The content of these pages may contain "triggering" material. |
|
to CUTTERS, a page on the
subject of people who self-harm. The content of these pages may contain "triggering" material. |
|
to The History of Child Abuse |
|
Contents Under
Pressure Razor's writing about experiences she had during a 13 year
bout with DSH and five times she was institutionalized. |
|
to Leap Frogge Leap was locked up in mental institutions when she was a kid. Leap refers to them as "the Institutes." |