"When you want somebody's POOP it means you really want them, because you want their insides. It's pure intimacy."ZANNE Leap, tell us a little bit about sex you've had in bathrooms. Maybe start with public bathrooms.
LEAP Okay, I had sex in the San Marcos bathroom six years ago with a woman from Marin that had a kid and lived in a trailer. I talked with her for about an hour and we went to the bathroom and we had sex and then we had sex in a telephone booth and it was raining and I took her home and then she left the next morning and she gave me her number and I said, "Yeah, for sure we'll definitely get together," but of course I didn't want to see her any more, I just wanted a one night stand.
Z What did you do in the bathroom with her?
LEAP I think I just stuck my hands down her pants.
CANDIDA Woo!
LEAP I don't think I ate her out or anything too intense because people were knocking. And then at one time I had a girlfriend and she used to pee on my hands in the bathroom and um, we got kicked out of a bar, what's that checkered bar called? Me and Lily were in there and she was peeing on my hands and they told us to get out. [laughs]
Z What neighborhood was it in?
LEAP The Mission. Guerrero and 14th. I had some other sex in bathrooms that I can't totally recall. I did have sex in the bathroom with the girl I'm seeing now. She calls herself Sonia 'cause she doesn't want anyone to know her name because she doesn't have a green card. Anyway, she goes by the name Sonia, and if you want her number it's [***-****] and she lives in the Mission. She works at Butt Heaven Saturday and Monday and Wednesday through Friday she works at a massage parlor. Ask for Sonia. I did have sex with her in the bathroom and it was violent and it was great.
Z How was it violent?
LEAP Because she told me not to go over to this club and I said "Okay I promise I will not go," and then everybody was going to this club and it was right by my house - it was the Elbo Room, so I decided I HAD to go to this club. So I said, well, I'm safe if I go there about twelve because that's about her bed-time. She's very young, she doesn't smoke or drink, so you know, she's got to go to bed very early. I thought for SURE it was her bed-time, and I went there at twelve knowing that was her curfew and I couldn't believe it but she was UP PAST HER CURFEW, and didn't turn into a pumpkin. I decided to duck and maybe she won't see me but she walked right up to me and asked me, "Well, um, do you want to go to my house?" And I just looked at her, because I didn't want to go, no reply, I just stared at her like Go to your house? Uhhhhh . . . And then she goes "Do you want to go to the bathroom?" And I said "Okay." [laughs] And so we went to the bathroom and everybody was banging on the door and we were fucking and slamming each other against the walls . . .
CANDIDA Wooo!
LEAP . . .very violent. She weighs a hundred and sixty pounds and I weigh a hundred and five. It was very good.
Z She should be in GLOW, Glorious Ladies of Wrestling.
LEAP Yeah she looks like Xena. If you're calling at Bonhaven ask for Sonia that looks like Xena. Anyway, we had sex in the bathroom and everybody started knocking on the door going, "Get out! Get out!" and I though it was Downtown Donna but of course it was this woman - I'll tell you that she looks like a fucking pig. I don't know why everyone's turned on by her, but she was knocking on the door going [in irritating voice] "Come ON, Ladies!" And I said "I'm sorry, I'm having a BABY!"
And so I had my baby in the bathroom, I had a cow in the bathroom and mean while they kept knocking so I decided to tell her "I have diarrhea. Excuse me, I have diarrhea." And of course Sonia says [in a very deep, gruff voice] "OCCUPIED. This is OCCUPIED." That's her favorite word because I forgot that she did take me to another bathroom and I almost fell out the window on the top story of Jo's - a woman from Body Manipulation's house because Sonia was play-piercing me in the bathroom. If they would've known this they will never let her in the house again. There was blood everywhere and I had to clean it up. And then she FUCKED me in that bathroom too, and I almost fell out the window. That was an adventure and of course the same thing: "OCCUPIED! OCCUPIED! There's a SESSION going on in the LATRINE!"
Z I know you've had sex in your own home bathrooms. Various sex.
LEAP I have. I have sex with girls in tubs and toilet sex with them . . .
Z What do you do in toilet sex?
LEAP They pee on my hands and pee on me in the tub. Of course after the bathroom scene at the Elbo Room Sonia wanted to have sex again in a less comfortable place, in my bathroom of my home. So I took her into the bathroom of my home and had sex with her on the bathroom floor, on a cold floor, where her head was knocking against the wall.
Z She wanted the discomfort of it all? That was part of the allure?
LEAP Yeah. It's kind of like when I want her fist up me because her hands are twice as big as mine. And so I tell her to fist me and she gets all scared and I go, "No, I LIKE it, it's painful. I like it for the pain. The pain is like the pleasure of it.
CANDIDA Woo!
LEAP So she definitely wants a cold floor! [laughing]
CANDIDA Sorry! You got me a little hot!
LEAP Of course I sat on her foot in the bathroom.
Z Margaret's getting a wide-on!
LEAP M, let's go to the BATHROOM! I also got paid thirty dollars to pee on Jane. I took him to my bathroom and I peed on him in a tub because everyone else did it for free. I heard that Junkyard peed on him for free in the park and kicked him and all these SM dykes peed on him for free so I decided to charge him. I made thirty dollars and peed on him in my tub. And he called me a filthy whore. But I wasn't a filthy whore because I told him to put his pants on after I peed on him. You know, there's no touching, I just squatted and peed on him. That was it. He gave me a six pack of beer and I peed on him. Then he hired me to be his house cleaner. He's just disgusting, libertarian guy.
Z Libertarian Piss Addict.
LEAP Libertarian Piss Addict Jane. And of course Sonia had a CRUSH on Jane, and said, "OH It's THAT boy, I love him!" And I go, "He's disgusting, if you knew his politics you wouldn't like him, you wouldn't like him one bit, Sonia." But she still wants him and if she touches him I'll never touch her again, he's just so gross. I'll have to shit on both of them.
Z Will you ask for money?
LEAP Yes, in fact I should be getting paid, don't you think? for different things.
Z You know, you shit every day, right? Imagine how much money you could make!
LEAP I know, maybe I should ask Sonia about that.
Z Do you shit in the morning?
LEAP Yeah. I should sell it.
Z Well, maybe you should make morning appointments.
LEAP I should. Maybe I should do it at a chiropractor's office twice a month and pretend I'm a chiropractor so it's legal. Legal Shit Prostitution. And I'll go under the pseudonym of Brown.
Z What about the bathroom when you lived at petunia's house?
LEAP I asked Petunia to shit on me in the bathroom or my birthday but she didn't want to do it because she said she was over that, she already did it last year. She shit on somebody that asked her to before. She did shit on them. She didn't like it at all. She considers it very masochistic. [laughs] she says, "That's such a bad masochist to want to be shit on." Anyway, I do it for the pure pleasure. It's intimacy. When you want somebody's POOP it means you really want them, because you want their insides. It's pure intimacy. Anyway the bathroom in Petunia's - Cricket and me peed on her dress together. That's not really sex though.
Z Why did you want to do that? Why did you pee on the dress.
LEAP We did it so she could get disability.
Z And how did that go, when you went in for the disability? Did the pee help?
LEAP Yeah, because we used a hair dryer on it, and set the pee in so it would smell like pee. Like HOT PEE. And Cricket was the Caretaker and I was the Boyfriend. And the psychiatrist is like, "She's not a boy!" and then Petunia is like, "He is TOO a boy! He's my boyfriend." And then I was dressed up like a skater boy, wearing really baggy, cut-off Levis down to my knees and a long-sleeve skater shirt and a pair of tennis shoes and I was "Yeah, I'm a boy, I'm a skater boy."
Z So she got the money?
LEAP She got the money.
Z All right!!
LEAP She became a lifer.
Z So do any other public bath-rooms? Private bathrooms?
LEAP I DID want to take my ex-therapist in the bathroom. I had fantasies about her in the bathroom. Especially when I would visit her private practice I wanted to take her in the bathroom. And she even said, "There's the bathroom." And when I came out she said, she came up to me like she was eaves dropping in the bathroom. Maybe that was my fantasy that she'd be listening at the door to hear all the PLOPS go down in the toilet!
CANDIDA Is she a babe?
LEAP Yeah.
Z No.
LEAP You don't think so? She's totally sexy!
Z I'm sorry, I think it's a twisted attraction.
LEAP What kind of attraction do you think it is?
Z It's a therapist-client relationship.
LEAP You don't think she's sexy, right?
Z Well, you know, that's subjective. It doesn't matter if I do, you do and that's all that matters. I don't find her attractive. I think she looks like a freak, but not the kind that I'm into.
LEAP What kind of freak are you into? Librarian freak?
Z yeah, more like, no, not even that, just kind of like, what the hell's goin' on in HER head, I don't know.
LEAP Like she's crazy? Yeah, that's why I had a fetish for her, because she looks like a freak and she dresses strange. I thought "This woman is stuffy! I want to blow the cobwebs out!" [laughing] That's what turned me on about her. Does that make sense, Margaret? That's what really what turned me on, it was very twisted, very twisted. I wanted to dress her up in leather and have her whip me in a dungeon.
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